“Never discuss religion or politics…”
It’s a conventional wisdom so ingrained in our psyches, we barely question it at all. If we did, we might ask who originally coined the idea, and we’d find out no one really knows.
For how long has it been around? We’re not quite sure of that either, but we do know it goes at least as far back as 1840, when it appeared in The Letter-Bag of the Great Western: or, Life in a Steamer by Thomas Chandler Haliburton. Now, if only there were some major historical event that took place in the time around 1840; something by which we can judge the value of such wisdom...
The idea pops up again in 1879 in an essay on “Etiquette Conversation:”
“Do not discuss politics or religion in general company. You probably will not convert your opponent, and he will not convert you. To discuss those feelings is to arouse feelings without any good result.”
Let’s be honest, while we may not discuss politics with those we disagree with in order to avoid an immediate discomfort, we are still discussing it with our like-minded partisans and getting just as riled up about the absent opposition, if not more riled without the hindrance of the other side’s opportunity to correct misrepresentations or misperceptions. And while that may still spare an ugly confrontation in the then-and-there, it doesn’t prevent one for all time. In fact, it only builds up to a larger eruption down the line.
Leading up to the Civil War, as the two sides were retreating to their corners, President Lincoln was incredibly frustrated by the way his positions were being reported and distorted, or outright fabricated, to the people in the Confederate States. To prevent further destabilization of an already precarious situation, President Lincoln kept his retorts to his inner circle, but if all sides had not broken down lines of communication and instead had spoken and listened to each other and understood each other, a Civil War may have been avoided. Lincoln was desperate to do just that and would have compromised greatly to prevent war. It’s not with certainty he could have managed it, but maybe. And is that maybe not enough to grasp onto when faced with the darkest of alternatives?
While you think about that, consider another conventional wisdom, and one we know a little more about: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
Politics has never been an easy topic. Parties have never been especially cooperative with each other in an overarching way, but the divide does appear to be more dangerous today than in most times past. In the current election cycle, one presidential candidate actually said the opposing party is an enemy by which that candidate is proud to be judged.
We cannot continue down this path. Before the divide is insurmountable and failure for all is inevitable, we must come together. Without any bias or malice, or even with a little of both, we must talk and let the fruits of discourse point us to a truth, instead of letting talking points perpetuate long held wisdoms that keep us apart in ignorance and prevent us from working towards real productive solutions where they can be reached.
We must break with etiquette and talk about the issues that matter to us all. When choosing between civil discourse or Civil War, we must choose the former. We don’t win points when we refuse to work towards solutions. No one won the Civil War, we just stopped losing.
